short & easy

Here's the skinny: do not see "The Women". Other than its disgrace to the play (and apparently the '39 film) (which is really nothing like the movie), the director is quite the novice and the entire movie in itself is a mess. To save you from wasting a $9 matinee ticket, i'll just tell you that the movie ends in a low-angle shot of a newborn baby being carried in the arms of a nurse reminiscient of the messiah-stork situation (when did Jesus and a stork ever appear in the same situation?). If my description seems intriguing, I've deceived you quite thoroughly and apologize for it.

Perhaps the aesthetics of the cinematography or fashion can be appreciated like the overbearingly gaudy cloud wallpaper background of the janky ol' hospital, or the z-gallerie house that Meg Ryan resides in (much like r. crowes house in "body of lies," I swear it was the same house), but other than that VERY LITTLE BIT OF LIGHT, the movie is a complete Era of Darkness to which one never recovers. Madison liked it for it's ridiculous nature (though refuses to admit) (I admit, re: my last post, I honestly appreciate most crappy films. "The Women" provided me with the same sort of glow that did "Homer in Cyberspace" ), however, I strongly recommend that if it's inevitable that you watch it, see the play first and then the movie if not simply to bitch about how bad of a job Director Diane English did.

She could have done so much more with the script. The original play itself is a satire on wealthy women and their social routines, not to mention drives feminist empowerment (an all-woman cast). Ok, I'll admit I did the play back in high school, but it was hugely a success and I had dads and men who you would't have expected enjoying the play and finding it refreshing to see the woman's point of view. This, however, is all a moot pt.

Instead Jada Pinkett Smith plays a lesbian which is minorly entertaining borderline trying-too-hard (ulch her attempt at comedy was painful to watch re: the hospital scene), Eva Mendes plays the one role she knows how (the slutty eye-candy), while Annette Benning and Debra Messing rely on being the slightly comedic best friends (These two were horribly underwhelming. Messing should have just reprised her "Will & Grace" role, it would have been funnier than what she attempted). To be honest, Bette Midler's many-times-divorced-but-doesn't-give-a-damn Hollywood agent character is the best part. Ryan and Benning have a cute scene in which they argue and end up crying and laughing about it, but other than 3 decent parts, the movie is a no-go.

I'm not even providing links or pictures in this blog. Negative 2 punches.

R.I.P. Clare Boothe Luce (nice out),
Kimberley
and....Madison (I have class in 5 mins!!)

relativity, my dear watson

Sometimes I forget that everything is relative. Today's blog is about sports (blah!) (gross) since we've yet to see some real man action on this blog. I was working with my french coworker (everyone there is, in fact, french) and in walks an almost-bald somewhat charming-looking man about 6 feet tall (probably less, but I was sitting). I stared at him curiously because at this point my coworker was bumbling about trying to help him find exactly what he needed (information for his friend who just moved to town). Little did I know, this being is some sort of futbol god to french. He won the 1998 FIFA world cup for her country (Soccer is huge in europe). This is him: (see bald guy in middle).

This short-lived memory really got me thinking about sports, arts, and the overarching theme of interests in general. For example, if Madison met Bob Fosse we might have to put her in an insane asylum. If I met Baryshnikov or my dad's long-time hero Jackie Chan, we'll call it a very-good day. However, give me a famous soccer star like Frank Leboeuf or an All-Star quarterback and good luck getting so much as an 'oh that's...cool' from me. (If I met michael phelps i'd probably eat my hand. fact. )

Were it basketball or hockey, I might blink my eyes in pseudowonderment, but football...really? Even UCLA players like "Pat Cowan" who is apparently a quarterback? for our team gets people pretty shakey. Not I, said the cat. (ulch collegiate athletes)

I suppose it remains that people should always remember that their interests are never the same, and what might be a scientist's gem for some could be just another Picasso for the uncultured. ...especially during his Blue Period. (perfect outro!)

Kim bar lee

mad eye son

but really...

I apologize for my absence (absinthe?) Kim has been like crazy updating (too much, really), I can't keep up...anyways...so last night I was having a conversation with a friend over why I avidly consume such tragic television programming such as "90210" "Gossip Girl" and "The Hills." (i think this post makes up for "lost time"*)

I am no casual target audience (cocktail waiters, millionaires, heirs to family fortunes), I have seen every episode of these shows(except "the hills." I've only completely watched seasons 1, 3 and 4) and I experience something similar to withdrawal symptoms as I wait for new episodes. (too true. I saw her cringing in the corner cradling a life-sized version of Spencer)

So then I decided to reevalute my tastes and basically I realized that I like things that are really really bad. As in crappy movies, bad dialogue, romantic comedies, 80's commercials, home shopping networks, mcdonalds...etc (we have similar tastes...don't forget about Cats the musical)

This appreciation of all things janky (good w.c.*) can be sorted into two categories:

1. So bad that it's a work of genius

or

2. So bad that some 14 year olds in suburban areas will genuinely appreciate it.

Here are a list of my favorite #1-type lame-fests

-"The Dark Crystal"


I am eerily obsessed with anything created by Jim Henson...but this movie is just ridiculous. My little sister used to watch this movie like everyday for a couple years when she was like 8. This movie is not quite the masterpiece that is "The Labryinth" but it comes in a close second. Ohhh I heart you Mr. Henson and your bizarre sense of everything! (I love kerms)

-"The Worst Witch"


Tim Curry. Horrible FX. British Accents. What could be better? (can we stay in and watch this on all hallows eve?)

-1980's McDonalds Commercials


When I was younger I used to watch old video tapes of random TV shows my parents watched in the 80's, but not for the content of the television programming, I would watch to see the commercials.

I love commercials from the 80's! I also love McDonalds! Nobody likes Mcdonalds, commercials, or the 80's! I love everything! This is so beautiful it sucks! (this is genius at it's finest, actually)


Now here are some of my favorite..."so bad but people who watch the disney channel will appreciate it"-type stuff

- "Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County"


Newport Harbor is the less rich, fame-whoring little sister of Laguna Beach. It's a spin-off of a spin-off. sort of?

Those who thought Laguna Beach was an embarassment to youth culture, probably think that The Hills is a pathetic and voyeuristic (*see below) exploitation of banality, but with Newport Harbor these same people might be driven to acts of homicide.

It has less attractive people, super lame drama, vague attempts at "scripting" scenarios which just get confusing, and not nearly rich enough kids. ulch...so rewarding!

-Hannah Montana


obvi.

-"Brink"


Back in it's heydey, Disney used to churn out one DCOM (disney channel original movie) each month. Some of the progenitors (Johhny Tsunami, Zenon, Motocrossed) were seriously captivating, soon Disney started making too many "fluffy" DCOM's (the thirteenth year, luck of the irish, eddies million dollar cook-off) and it started going downhill.

But BRINK represents the best of the worst when disney was still making good bad good movies..? what?

...besides who doesn't love Eric von Detten ("escape to witch mountain" anyone?) (what a dream) annnddd that dude that played that bully rollerblader was recently the "wildcard-beauty" contestant on Beauty and the Geek. How sad to see a former disney channel starlett on reality TV... : (



Congratulations to those who read the whole thing... (we appreciate you!)

obsessively yours,
Madison

(* time does not exist
*word choice
*A voyeur is:

1. A person who derives sexual gratification from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point.

2. An obsessive observer of sordid or sensational subjects.)

Paranthetically, Kimberley

chia pets are the worst pets

...FACT. Plus I always thought that Chia Pets would be full of dirty little seeds and wet grass (not that I've ever owned one). Whoever owns a Chia Pet should be slapped in the face for buying such tasteless tv goulash. Get yourself a nice-looking fish and call it a day. Or if you absolutely must, maybe you can put Mr. T on your windowsill! (i think there should be chia bling...like gold chains with chia "grass" growing on dollar signs)

All of this chia-nonsense came about from HAIR. (when I was 10 I did a tap dance to "aquarius." ) I'm not sure why I was browsing 'hair' on youtube but I guess, anything to pass the time.

I advise you to skip to around 1:40, which is the juicier bits (though maybe I'm just easily entertained). If i find any other vids, I'll keep you posted . For now, this and then google "HARD GAY". It's not what you think, I swear...

Conservatively*, Kimberley

*this in response to "Hard Gay", no political affiliation intended ..and Madington

(this reminds me of "full metal jacket" which I prefer)

your arrow-loop into politics

Last time I read the news, the polar bears in Japan's zoo were still green from algae (Sept. 8, to be exact-BBC News). I don't know why I did it, but I browsed google images for a picture of green bear and out popped this little guy: >>>>

Since when do bears wear bowties and tophats?
On their way to work in Geneva, of course!

Silliness aside, it should be noted that I also like checking up on the Huffington Post once in a while and I prefer BBC to CNN. If you're more of a wide-eyed fresher, here are some professorial opinions on the latest election.

As for Sarah Palin's emails getting hacked, peep these screenshots. According to BBC News:

"Mrs Palin is being investigated in Alaska for alleged abuse of power while governor of the state."

This definitely hurts her cred (all irony aside) & I'm anxious to see what next week' s SNL will look like. As for personal emails, I sympathize slightly with having her email hacked (i imagine it's something like having your friends hack into your facebook account), it just sucks.

And maybe it's the skeptic in me, but I find it fishy that hackers were able to change the password with Yahoo to 'popcorn' of all things. That's the best they could come up with? I think the media lied to us somewhere...

As if that wasn't enough, the newspeople are calling the hackers "hacktivists" from a Scientology group.

UGH!

For juicier scandal and less politics, try this tranny and make sure to check out the latest Jobros gossip.

Signed Fondly (archaic),
Kimberley

living forever is a lot like...

MGM's remaking the '80s hit "Fame" !

The movie is about musically talented kids doing hoodrat things. Fame is pretty much the highschool experience of a lifetime! (our alma mater pales in comparison). Put your leg-warmers on and tell your agent you want an audition!

Kimberley (Chumscrubber) Wong

hot handle!

You know the drill. Commentary in Italics. Today's epi by Ms. Wong, annotation by Mad-berg.

This just in! Center Stage 2: Turn It Up comes to the tele in Nov '08. (straight to tele? ahh! wait? I wanted to audition for this :( boo...) That's just two months away! (punch it). Unlike Bring It On: In it to Win, CS2 is something to look forward to. (the newest installment is actually called "Bring it On: Cinco."Just fyi...)

I for one have swooned over Ethan Stiefel in the first movie where we learned that ballet = sex. (obvi) But now he's an aged 35-some (I did the wikimath) and doubt arises as to whether he can still do the splits while consummating (i.e. has he still got the sperm)? Certainly, yes.



Do yourself a favour and rent Center Stage #1. I have my two copies on VHS! Or if you'd prefer, there's a hilarious in-depth synopsis written by a natural Borowitz. Here's to taste:

"To ease Jody's stress, Eva decides that she and Charlie, Erik, and Sergi will take her out. They go to a salsa club where Jody and Charlie dance and flirt while Sergi gets hit on by an old barfly"

"Meanwhile, Jim meets Maureen outside ABA and asks her out. (ulch, I loathed Maureen, remember what a swizzed up bz stick she was? ulch, and like threw up her food on that boat or whatever. And Jim was like super cute. so annoying) She accepts. Jody goes to take a dance class somewhere else in New York, because she is tired of taking criticism for her ballet dancing. (yah, she had perfect turnout, great feet, but didn't fit the archetypal ballet body.)During the Broadway dance class, Cooper comes in to assist/dance. (actually, he kinda "crashed" the class. In the non-movie version of this dance studio, a act like that would be frowned apon. Class etiquette really.) After the class, Cooper convinces Jody to come back to his place for "dessert"*. They drink wine. They have sex. (this was so unbelievable...everyone knows male ballet dancers aren't straight.)"

*My lifelong fantasy is to attend a similar workout led by Cooper Nielson followed by "dessert".

SYNOPSIS HERE

Kimberley

(hey kim remember when we imdb-ed Ethan Stiefel recently and discovered he was super old and living with a man?)

betta

Madison-made with Kim in the drumline..

One of my favorite pastimes. "Translating" ebonics into a more standard form of English!
(I see you're well versed in "Stuff White People Like")

Original Lyrics:
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps
She She lick me like a lollipop


Translation:
The beautiful woman wants to engage in some compromising situations. (Coug's gonna git sum t'night!)
The club currently is stocked with Alchohol. (Smirnoff Ice to be precise)
The aforementioned female also enjoys sexually immoral acts
I am inclined to approach her
more specifically, her posterior region (and frontal protusions)
Her interactions with me are similar to the way she consumes a candy treat. (you're a natural Eminem)

Madison (wrote a lengthier blog then decided against it) V.
(cue the snare)

ughhhh

Original Madison (square garden! commentary courtesy of Kimberley)

5 reasons why the Jonas Brothers are cooler than anyone you know (Raviv Ullman excluded):

1. They move their own furniture. (Pff...I built my own desk)



2. They wear "painted-on" jeans. (Will the stylist for the Jonas Brothers please contact us if you're for hire? Surrsly)

http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/jonas-brothers-2007-miss-teen-usa-dress-rehearsal-0CzLbS.jpg

3. They are "funny" ? (naaghht)



4. They dated Hannah Montana! ( ILLEGAL!)

5. They register to vote. (Palin for VP?)

http://perezhilton.com/2008-09-11-declare-yourself


Ulch...I make myself vomm... (This doesn't come close to the JoBro's Special Collector's People Edition...)

obviously yours,

Madison (can't wait for the miley cyrus list!) Vanderberg (and I can't wait 'til Joe's fairgame)

A Test for Madison

Dear Madison,

It has come to my attention that on this day, Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at approximately 11:00 pm you've given up all hope and hoopla on the editing of our shared blog. As co-bloggeur, I feel it is in the best interest of our business to inform you about the two essential not-so-given processes of blog editing.

Firstly, when posting a photo on "da punch" one must pay careful attention to the icons listed above the editor page: (click the grassy knoll and follow the instructions)

And now for a video: ( i have added the "embedded" link to the post, simply as is. No need to click on any icons)

If any other problems occur or if confusion refuses leave, please see me at your soonest convenience. I am merely a jaunt 'cross the living room. Should you wish to discuss the genius of Kevin Bacon's fancy footwork, I am willing and able to do so as you are reading this.

Yours in Honesty.

Kimberley

1st to punch

A Kimberley Original...(commentary by Madison)

4 Punches/ 5.
Recommendations: Just watch the movie!

With an all-star cast whose characters experience rather ironic misfortune, the Coen's have successfully 'nipped the cat in the butt' (snubbed the dogg in the arse) with their comedic writing and overflow of cliché story arches in their latest endeavor
"Burn After Reading".

Forget about Linda Litzke (Frances McDormand), the main character who pretty much drives the entire movie along. Though she may be adopted by a Canadian Minister (the actress), McDormand's Litzke was not the focus in terms of grabbing sympathies. She was the only character who got what she wanted in the end. (she was actually my favorite character : ) )

Brad Pitt, however, plays Chad Feldheimer, a happy-go-lucky simpleton who gets so helplessly entrapped in fellow gym employee Litzke's C.I.A. conspiracy that he ends up in a tragic accident.

Just as joyful, George Clooney's Harry Pfarrer brings out the paranoid sex-maniac in us all. (really?) However, some of his choices weren't as strong as the two Cox's- the twitch he took on in the beginning is annoyingly lost four or five scenes into the movie.

Tilda Swinton's Katie Cox comes across as intended. She is a convincingly severe bitch, like the Ice Queen character she played in Narnia. Perf. (hahah)

My favourite character though, belongs to actor John Malkovich. From the satin robe and pampered upbringing to his unforgiving douchebagerie, the pretentious soon-to-be ex C.I.A. and husband Osborne Cox steals the show in a sizable manner, one scotch at a time.

This comedy is all about detail and Malkovich's bourgeois tone and not-so-subtle delivery wins Best Portrayal of Every Alcoholic Rich Guy You've Seen In A Movie In A While. (I barg to differ...the use of "fuck" was uncharacteristic of many a celluloid drunk i've ever seen) And of course the Coens tie every relationship together so ridiculously soap-opera well that audiences (at least three in the theatre) will be tickled throughout.

It's all about the Drama. So - Much - Drama. (shout out to the 'yay) With this 2008 Summerbuster, Coen's pay tribute to decades of film form and in doing so mock the mould of cinematic history in the face.

Look out for the best scene of the movie when Clooney yells "SPOOKS!". I really can't get enough of it. (and the missing coat label. OHHHHH! Get excited!)

And if you've already seen the best-scene-ever, refer to the snippet below reminiscient of said glory:Veuillez agréer, Monsieur, l'expression de mes sentiments distingués.
(I hate French!!!!)

Kimberley

day 1

Rule 1: we will never talk about our day (unless crazy shit went down) i.e. bums fighting

Kimberley will frequently write about fash/poli/mus and occasional astrology.

Madison will most likely make a lot of lists about the Jonas Brothers, and occasionally jitneys.

Rule 2: Get Buck!

Rule 3: We accept all major credit cards, including travelers cheques.

xoxo Gossip Girl